Differential

this blank page stares degrees deeper into me
than i have bothered to look and see
at what is surrounding and abounding
the latest sleepless nights so soundly

reading too thoroughly poorly addressed texts
singing a phantom of not caring whats next
trying to stave of dreadful uncertainty
in favor of disappointment in what will come to be

such familiar dread, every time as strong
and every time returned takes equally long
emotions and mind, so intertwined
and point opposite directions until time realigns

no resolutions or solutions this time around
with all of these problems that still abound
time and patience will change my position
or maybe they wont... fuck it

Expostulation

A belief does not in fact begin its long and usually very tumultuous life as such. It should be realized by a larger group that things you believe - those issues and statements which you are most readily willing to fight for with tooth and nail - do not always start with the lunacy they eventually expire with. Those high ideals have deeper and hidden bases. When one first comes across what will later become a fundamental fact undeniable by any level of consciousness, it must be supported by a normally logical brain. This maybe a too optimistic view for those that deny that most (if any) minds are inherently or even regularly sensical, but here it must be assumed that on some level we follow rules that follow order. And when we are first presented with our future beliefs, they are but simple facts. We must adopt some facts and discard others, for contradiction would violate our fundamental logic, no matter how compatible some facts may seem, for to the mind even morals follow logic. When these new bits enter our realm of understanding, they must first be argued, and if those arguments are held true they are bound to be remembered so that our enlightenment could be spread and forced unto those that disagree. With the passage of time these reasons that our new found facts are so obviously undeniable become so evident that we can omit them in our latest convictions. With enough time, all argument becomes moot, and the fact is fact for the fact that it is such.

And here, after days or weeks or years, depending on the ferverence of the arguments and the priority the new found holder of such obvious truths places on indoctrinating his ignorantly peers, we have a belief.

Furthermore, there is the disparaging worry of what this natural progress our psyches take with what we know to what we believe has on the developing mind. Such evolving intellects have less energy to devote to logistics, but still make sense of an enormous world. So images of a higher being are presented, or even invented to simply satiate young curiosity, and are presented with facts and arguments that such a being makes sense in a shallow pool of reason so that is MUST be true. As those ideas incubate for years and as identities are developed it is ingrained and integrated, they remain. The arguments - the REASONS - that God makes sense are lost, and no longer needed, and facts are once again omitted in favor of a common belief.

Severity

Forced and repetitive imagery does no one good except for those unable to create their own ideas and places. Running water and outstretched roads surrounded by similes and metaphors that are never new and never looking to places never before seen or smelled or tasted. Instead, it is a reference to a book or poem, someone else's words being used to say your own. Plagiarism or inspiration. And worst of all, rather than be allowed to visit these physical and mental places, I am contained here, to my glass box staring back at a world moving around me. Egocentric or realistic. From my pellucid prison I see only one view, and yet this one frame of real life is simultaneously everywhere. Real people passing through my pane of perception on their way to endless possibilities. And despite all this movement that seems bent on showing itself to me, for reason I am doubtless it keeps to itself, I am still.

Man is man and animal. I have spent long hours and days studying alternate theories. Darwin has his reason, and theology has its rhyme. Oh, what eloquence those ancient books hold! What spell binding mystery they enrapture us in, only to leave us with unidentifiable guilt for even reading it well. I do not trust them with either my past or future, and Darwin does nothing to explain today. For today is only expressible through vague emotions which came from no where in our scientific past. Loneliness is a symptom of humanity, and one that is simultaneously the source of our greatest thoughts and actions as well and the worst of them. And yet, we learn so little in our times of reflection. It is only during the actions we take that we can advance, and that is only knowledge to be garnished from concentration.

With this new year, I have for the first time made a resolution. Not a specific goal to be reached, but a new philosophy to have. And that is, simply, to Strive Towards Perfection. To excel in all pursuits, that is the only goal for man, and one too easily ignored.

Strive Towards Perfection